Failure

Last year was a tough year for me on the lacrosse team. Even though I was starting for our varsity team, I did not feel like I was good enough to play with the other kids at that level. It was extremely intimidating, and actually pretty frightening. I was a stick who got injured every other game because I grew so much and my body was not ready for the development. 

I specifically remember one game, at Wilton, where I considered myself to have failed. Yes, we won in over time, and yes, I had three goals and an assists, but I cannot help to look back at that game as a failure. This is the reason why:

There were about 45 seconds left in the game, and we have the ball up by one goal. Chris swings the ball around and it gets to me on the outside, and the Warriors begin pressuring me with two long poles to take the ball from me. I was so far out that I knew if I got past these two defenders, I could get to the goal and take a good shot. The truth was, no shot at that point was a good shot. I was selfish and I split the defenders, went to the goal and the goalie saved it. He passed to one of the defenders that was on me and he ran all the way down and scored. This pushed the game into over time, where even  though we won, did not sit well with me on the bus back. I felt as if I failed my team, and if I was not bailed out by an amazing play by our offense, I would have the rest of the team adding to my self-guilt.

The reason I failed was because of my ego and my mind telling me to score the goal to put the game away and be the hero. This was not at all the right play to make. What I should have done is passed the ball off to the next man and helped my team run the clock out so we could win right there. My awareness was not at the level it needed to be at, leading to my failure. 

After this game, I went home and watched a ton of film of full games, talked with my coach and my brother who are always the ones I go to about issues with the game, and I made sure that in every game I played after this I did whatever was necessary for the team to win, because that should always be the ultimate goal. This failure turned me into a selfless player no longer looking to make the highlight play, but rather make the play that gets the job done.